El Dave Photography

Filed under: Things I Never Considered.

You guys have played Halo, right? Running through the first stages, shooting and exploding Grunts with wild abandon only to get bored and start trying to smash them with the butt of your rifle. Pretty fun, yeah?

Have you ever stopped to think about how the Grunt feels? Me neither. Well, not until Grunt Ultra shuffled into the studio. Two regular grunts "secured" the door and the lot of them swept in, guns drawn. Because of a previous incident, firearms aren't allowed in the studio. My assistant, Reflector, told them that they would have to put their weapons away or leave. We don't want any trouble.

"Trouble?!" And then they panicked. Limbs flailing, plasma going everywhere, it was a mess.

Grunt Ultra sighed and slumped in his armor, shaking his head. "Every time! Every time!" He whipped around at Reflector, "Listen camera guy, I need help-"
I interrupted, "Actually, I'm the photographer. Reflector is my assistant."
Ultra looked at Reflector, then at me, then back to Reflector. "Um, I think not. He is clearly the camera. Now, Mr. Camera," another big sigh, "I've got... problems. It's the Brutes, you see. They think because they're big they can do what they want and they can just hit us all the time and-"

I'll spare you the entire story. Cliff's Notes version: Years of bullying by the Brutes has left the poor Grunts with something of a self-esteem problem, to the point of them developing phobias en masse. They collect them like baseball cards. This little Ultra, hoping for a confidence boost wanted a couple shots to hang around his bunk.

Let's see how this goes...

Dramatic lighting!


Turn to your left so I can get a shot of that cool backpack. What's in that thing, anyway?
"I need Methane to breathe!"


Oooook. Don't think about cow farts. What's your favorite map, Ultra?
Ripping his helmet off in what I assume was enthusiasm (and not cow farts), "I love Blood Gultch!"


Alright, big guy, we're almost done here. Gimme a roar!
There went the gas mask, "RAAAAAAAR"


Reflector burst in holding a Brute Spiker handgun. "Hey Dave, check it out! I'm a Brute!"
Grunt Ultra, his bravery completely forgotten, screamed and ran.


Reflector?
"Yeah Dave?"
...nevermind.

Be good,
-Dave

oh, you can take a penny
you can put one upon each eye

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